a face!

I made art today. If you haven't been following my life lately, this is unusual. My sweet little brother, who is on a mission in Brazil, remembered that I like painting pictures of statuary in cemeteries, so he sent me some pictures of just that. I thought the face on this one was beautiful, so I did a quick study of it.

 It's not much, but it's better than nothing. There might even be more to come, stay tuned.

oppressive--an outsider's perspective

Here's something new:

 

(If you're from a place like I am, where measurements of humidity only appear with images of Smokey the Bear...

. 

...this article is a nice summary of what "dew point" means). 


I love how the highest and lowest ratings are named subjectively. "Humid" and "Very Humid" conjure up factual, scientific references, but "Oppressive" makes it sound like we're making bricks without straw. Which, actually, I'd prefer to walking around with the dew point above 70. 

And as far as "Comfortable"...maybe knock that 60 down 1 or 20 degrees, and we can talk.

talent

Wanna know something I'm good at? Ruminating. If there were a regional ruminating competition, I bet I'd win at least an honorable mention. I'm so good at ruminating that I ruminate about ruminating.

I'd quit, but if that competition ever rolls into town, I hear the prizes are anxiety, weight gain, hair loss, and general regression. Who wouldn't want to win all of that? I'd better keep practicing.

New York, New York

Yep, I went there. Finally. After all these years seeing it only in crime television and romantic comedies, I saw it for reals. And once I was able to forget every episode of Law and Order ever broadcast on television--(because I suddenly recalled them all as soon as I stepped off the train in Grand Central Station)--I did indeed heart NY.

Day 1:

• Grand Central Station
• New York Public Library
• Times Square
• American Girl Place
• Allow me to here disclose that this was a totally random stop. I passed it on my way to central park and thought, "hm, a little childhood nostalgia could be fun." It turned out to be the one of the creepiest stores I've ever seen. 
• This is also the time that I thought "Hm, I should probably be taking some pictures." So the fact that there are no pictures to this point is not an indication that I liked the AG store more than Grand Central, NYPL, or Times Square, just that it took a while to occur to me that I might want to use my camera.

The doll holder in the bathroom stall -- yes, this is the first picture I took in New York

The Doll hair salon. Like I said, creepy.

• Saint Patrick's Cathedral
• Another random stop

• Central Park

Hey look, it's me! And I'm making one of my weird taking-a-picutre-of-myself faces!

• The Met

Yes I visited that pretzel cart.

Do you want to see a ton of blurry pictures of the things inside? I thought so!

• Central Park (again)

• The LDS temple/church building
• Saco's Pizza -- so yummy
• Staten Island Ferry

• Ground Zero

Day 2:

• The Frick

• Bastille Day celebration on 60th St.

• M&Ms Store
• Hershey Store
• Bryant Park
• Grand Central Station

What was that? You want to see more pictures of blurry interiors?

And then home!

Highlights: I loved it all, and I realized how much I love being in big cities when I don't have to drive in them. The pizza place was definitely a highlight (it's always about the food). I loved the Met and the Frick. I just loved walking around and people watching. 

New York, you don't disappoint.

people can change, but they usually don't

That's pretty much all I have to say today. The flaws we die with are probably pretty much the same ones we were born with. Intrinsic motivation is hard to come by. Other grumpy things.

until I'm grateful

I'm tired. Nay, exhausted. The past 4 months have been some of the hardest of my life. I should clarify. I've had plenty other periods of time that were hard in a bad way. Meaning I caused the difficulties myself or nothing obviously good came out of them. But as far as times that are hard in a good way, as in what people are referring to when they say they are thankful for their trials, this is has been the biggest challenge. And I think that's saying something since it's being ranked against that time I fell off a cliff.

I moved to a new city by myself where people drive like maniacs and the mugginess gives me the appearance of constantly having stepped out of a swimming pool. I started a new job with my company, without much precedent to rely on. Not only did I have to do that new job, but I had to prove that I was qualified to a group of people who were not shy about expressing their doubt in me. And each day relentlessly seems to present its own new, unique challenge. Like I said, it's exhausting.

UNTIL. Until I remember to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father. Then I realize that what I'm going through is actually easy because he's on my side. And that my blessings far outweigh my challenges. I'm generally healthy, I have an amazing family who supports me, I have a great place to live, I have more friends already than I had when I moved, I have a fantastic ward, and plenty of food to eat and money to pay my bills. I live right next to the ocean. I work in this amazing library with some beautiful collections of books. I get free access into several of Boston's finest museums and I'm living in a place drenched with history. I live 40 minutes away from Boston, of all places (as well as Walden pond :). I have access to every hope and opportunity I could ever desire through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and through the challenges I'm facing I've already learned so much that I could not have learned otherwise.

Hey look, I guess I'm one of those people who say they are thankful for their trials after all.

something exciting

This is like when you suddenly find yourself overflowing with motivation, and you go to the gym twice in one day knowing from past experience that means you probably won't go back for a good two weeks or so after that.

But I found something interesting and I want to share. I was googling my name to see if this blog showed up as a result, because I want it to keep it on the DL for the time being. (It didn't, by the way). However, something else did--something exciting. Remember that previous blog I spoke about oh, twenty minutes ago? Well, it was created more than two years ago because I was putting up my first art show and felt like I needed an online presence associated with it.

What I discovered while googling myself tonight is that someone wrote about said show on their blog, two years ago when it was exhibited, and I only have just now seen it. If this were the first time I'd googled my name in the past two years, I'd be less surprised that I'd missed it. But without revealing how often I obsessively search for myself on the internet...let's just say I was surprised.

And happy. This person had made a personal connection with my artwork, and then took the time to write about it it. Not to mention that he complimented the paintings, which is always a nice feeling.

If it weren't so late at night, I would elaborate on why it means so much as humans when we make one such anonymous-ish connection. As it is, I will simply acknowledge that it's remarkable that the knowledge that what I painted meant something to one person, two years ago, for a few minutes, gives me such a feeling of worth, hope, and motivation to "pay it forward."

Is it possible that some of these positive feelings come from the fact that the blog is written by an insightful, attractive young man? Hard to say :)

a new chapter, a new blog

"I believe that men are generally still a little afraid of the dark, though the witches are all hung, and Christianity and candles have been introduced." --Henry David Thoreau, Walden.

I've always liked that quote, but now that I'm living in Salem, Mass., and probably because I just visited Walden Pond, it seemed like a fitting title for this blog. Not to mention that I actually am still afraid of the dark.

This blog may be evidence that I'm vain enough to believe you need to know what I think, but in reality I'm vain enough to believe I'm creating it only because I need a way to track and maintain my sanity levels. I have another blog still floating around on the interwebs, but if you find it you will notice that it has been a significantly long time since I posted anything on it, and the purpose of its creation is not relevant to my current circumstances. So here I am...back on blogger--new, and if not improved, at least a little more jaded.